So begins my 100 day cycle journey east from the UK. The plan for the first few weeks has been pretty clear cut, get to Munich in 13 days. Jonny would be joining me for this first leg and so 13 days would give us a day clear before his return flight to the UK. As long as nothing goes wrong we should be fine...
Day 0
Jonny rolled round very early, my fiancee Nat was giving us a lift to Harwich to catch our overnight ferry to Holland - we were determined to be as early as possible to let Nat get back home asap so she could pack for her own trip starting the next morning.
'Wait, did you pack the tent?'
A lot of swearing and an hour return trip later, Nat was in for a late one (Thank you). The foreshadowing here is pretty painful.
Day 1 - 77 miles - Hook of Holland
We were the first cyclists off the ferry, yet the last to actually set off from border control due to our first state mandated faff stop. Rearranging bags, loading routes, attempting to rebalance everything. Nearly 40 minutes after entering the Netherlands, we were off. We had an offer to stay with my cousins for the first night which meant we could commit to a higher mileage day knowing we'd have a bed at the end of it.
Chomping through the miles in Holland really is as easy as it gets, pancake flat and 99% on the best surfaced cycle paths. The most hectic thing about cycling in the Netherlands is other cyclists. You see a lot that would make most Brits wince like the lads steering with their elbows and texting or parents riding with 3 kids in front and behind, but in fairness to them we didn't see a single bump or near miss other than our countless close calls with each other. Have to give an honorable mention to this lady catching a ride in Utrecht casually holding some garden shears pointing right at the neck of her victim.
The rest of the ride was pretty plain sailing. We ran out of water the last 10 miles and slowed to a crawl but aside from that we made it to Rebecca and Jeroen's place in time for beers and a BBQ (thanks again for looking after us, we both massively appreciate it).
Day 2 - 61 miles - Barnevald
The morning was just as easy as yesterday, cruising along pristine cycle paths all the way until our first sighting of the river Rhine. The plan was to join and follow the Rhine most of the way down Germany until we were ready to peel off for Munich.
We cycled along the river side path until our navigation told us to take an immediate hard left, straight through the water and crossing into Germany. We flapped for a good 10 minutes spitballing disused bridges and hidden tidal paths (I realise how dumb that is now) until we asked a local. Turns out there was a tiny ferry shuttle that was hidden by the bank, if we hurried we'd be able to catch the boat before it was scheduled to leave a few minutes later. The only problem was the horned bull (cows?) stood directly on the only footpath we could take to the waterfront. Desperately looking around for a brave and unfazed local heading the same way, we instead opted to stand behind the safety of our metal fence and miss our ferry.
We did eventually catch a later ferry but by this point we were chasing ourselves to get to camp at a reasonable time. Lesson learnt, get up a hell of a lot earlier than you think. After this first week we eventually settled on 6:40 alarms for 60+ mile riding days.
Day 3 - 62 miles - Kavelaer
We had a hotel booked in Cologne so that we could dump the bikes in our room and go to see Rival Schools play supported by Militarie Gun (band names). This meant our 3rd 60+ mile day on the trot which isn't completely unreasonable once you're in the swing of things. The problem is that your body needs a good week to settle into the routine of cycling for a full time job.
It was a pretty crap day. Our mounting exhaustion combined with the noticeably less welcoming locals (compared to Holland) and the boring scenery along my poorly planned route through cut and paste farmlands had us pretty beaten down. The only ride highlight was this frankly most sorry looking baguette you've seen.
Jonny and I have done enough of these trips to feel when either one of us is low or struggling. If it's just one of you then the other can take a longer pull in front or make a bad joke, but if it's both then we just compete on who can complain more. We made it to the Ibis hotel and got started on our only proven remedy of too much beer. We made it to the gig having completely missed the support and 80% of the headline, probably not the best £60 we spent on this trip.
Day 4 - 57 miles - Innenstadt
We left Cologne still a little low from the last few days and the beer of Day 3. Thankfully everything seemed to take a turn for the better once we got out of the city. Following the Rhine cycle path made for quick miles, often glancing down and seeing 16-18mph for what felt like hours at a time.
Steep valleys with vineyards, castles and 1600's German villages helped to remind us we were actually on holiday doing something we loved. This sounds ridiculous to say but it's an inevitability on these trips whether it's us pushing ourselves too hard on the bike, boring stretches of scenery or lack of sleep. Either these low points help you to better appreciate the highs or there's just something quite funny about laughing at your own misery after the fact but I do genuinely look back fondly on the lulls.
We stayed the night with Max, a host from 1nitetent.com who offered us free stay in his garden to pitch our tents, pick his fresh fruit and drink his beer. It really felt like things were back on track.
Day 5 - 56 miles - Rübenach
I woke up early with a level of pep unheard of west of the river, made breakfast and packed up in record time. Just as I put my final bag on my bike and stepped back to bask, I felt and smelt the dreaded squelch of a turd under my only pair of shoes that I'll live and cycle in every day for the next 100 days. I spent the next 20 minutes cleaning my shoe and Max's poo smeared paving slab before realising id also lost my navigation device. Another 20 minutes of swearing at myself and searching through my bags and we were ready to leave, firmly behind schedule. Sorry for the photo.
Wanting to make up for time, we gunned it for the first 30 odd miles. Jonny pulled a few heroic efforts towing me along at 20mph for 5-10 miles at a time until he eventually pulled over to try and fix a squeaking bag. He told me to push on and that he'd catch up so I kept rolling at an easy pace expecting to see him a few minutes down the road. Enough time had gone by that I was just getting ready to turn back when I see Jonny racing up behind me. Turned out he was stopped by a very serious looking policeman standing out of his car that was blocking the road. The officer told him it was because he was riding too fast in the cycle lane. As he got closer to the car expecting to have to use every drop of German vocabulary to get out of a fine he saw Max, our host from the night before laughing in the passenger seat. Max had told us the night before about his work as a policeman and that it's often quite slow going in the area. Max and his partner decided to stake out the only road out of the next town ready to pounce on us.
The rest of the riding was just as fast and lined with more cattle than you could shake a stick at. 10 miles from the end of our planned day and thinking we were only a 50 minute ride from camp, we stopped for a couple steins of beer by the river. We walked into the bar and immediately felt the eyes of every local on us, something we'd gotten used to. Still not sure if its because of the height difference between me 5'5 and Jonny 6'3, my booming english voice or the outfits.
We overstayed our agreed leaving time but didn't think too much of it, only 10 miles to go. Within 2 minutes of setting off Jonnys' rear tyre blew. He's been running tubeless tyres which in theory should reseal themselves straight away but this was completely flat. Trying to stay calm, I tried pumping it back up in the hope that the sealant would do it's job but the tyre was completely unseated from the rim. With my tubeless tyre knowledge slim to none, we spent the next 30 minutes trying to work out how to remove the tubeless core and switch in a conventional inner tube to get him back on the road whilst batting away well intentioned but entirely unhelpful locals who stopped to offer advice. We eventually had the bike up and running again.
Between the stress of the puncture, the heat rising steadily towards mid 30°s, and yet another 60+ mile day with not nearly enough food or water, we were both back to broken. We finished our beer and pizza then got an earlier night with the plan of setting our alarms 30 min earlier the next day to beat the forecast heatwave.
Day 6 - 60 miles - Mainz
Our route took us slightly more inland as we attempted to ride more directly towards Manheim. Although we'd left camp at 9am, the heat was already really intense. It was a nice change of scenery taking on hilly farmland and leaving the water but the lack of sleep meant that we were walking up steep climbs that we'd usually be able to ride up.
The drivers were getting more unrelenting now that we were forced onto the road with no cycle lanes and crawling up the climbs at less than walking pace. Back in the UK I'm pretty unfazed by fast drivers and all but the closest of passes, but having ridden on isolated bike lanes the whole week, there were a couple that shook us both up and so the return to complete separate bike paths by late morning was welcome.
We stopped and had our classic Netto baguette lunch for the 5th day running by the side of the path and took it in turns to say how much we were sweating or how hot it was. In the hour that we'd stopped the sun had reached it's peak of 35° and we still had 25 miles to ride. Immediately after setting off I fell off the bike at what must have been 3mph trying to turn around a railing, thankfully the bike was completely fine. We rode for what felt like an hour before bailing into the only shade we could find under a tree. We both acknowledged that we'd been pushing it too hard the last few days and it was time we gave ourselves a rest day.
We stumbled through the last miles to Mannheim with only one standout encounter with Berny, a lovely chap who bought us Fantas and told us how much he loved England.
I'd found the cheapest, lowest rated motel in all of Mannheim as a pick me up to trade out the hot tents for a bed that night and it was immediately clear why it was such a bargain on arrival. I've never seen a hotel reception with sliding metal bar doors like a prison and a receptionist that looked ready to throw me in solitary for smiling at him. I checked in and asked about bringing the bikes up.
'No its not possible'
I told him that they wouldn't be safe outside
'No'
I tried to bribe him offering to pay double our room fee. He looked pretty pissed off now and started getting on with his work I think hoping I'd leave. I stood and stared at him for a good 20 seconds before he turned at me and barked 'fine'. We ran the bikes up to the room, celebrated our success over this final boss and then walked to the local town for way too many beers in an English themed pub ran by a man who spoke no English.
Day 7 - 32 miles - Mannheim
Waking up in the motel drenched in sweat and the depressing depths of a hangover wasn't an easy start, definitely not conducive to our first 'rest day'. We got out after 10am, strolling our bikes past the now shell of a receptionist who had been bested in yesterday's duel and got on the road in the midday sun.
Not much to say about the riding here other than it didn't turn out to be the rest day we hoped for, pulling up to camp around 5pm.
First impressions of the site were great, really secluded right by the river and surrounded by huge evergreens. We checked in with the husband and wife duo that owned the site and then got to setting up tents. On my walk to get showered I noticed an odd amount (in the eyes of a prude brit) of naked people, pretty sure we were in a nudist camp. We cooked the very questionable burgers that had been stewing in my all black pannier bags, had just a few beers and went to bed after doubling down on our promise to each other to take it easier from here on.